Small Talk at Work: Beyond 'How Are You?'

Lucy, can I tell you about the most awkward lift ride of my life?

Oh no. Go on, I'm listening.

My first week at a new job. Me, my new manager, eleven floors, total silence.

Eleven floors! That's a very long silence.

I just stared at my shoes the whole way up.

Welcome to Everyday English Talk. I'm Lucy.

And I'm Tom, still slightly embarrassed about that lift.

Today, we're talking about small talk with new colleagues.

Small talk is light, friendly chat about the weather, the weekend, that kind of thing.

And a lot of people think it's pointless. I used to think that too.

Really? So what changed your mind?

I realised that at work, small talk is how people start to trust you.

Nobody wants to work with a stranger who never says a word.

That's true. And I think it's much harder in a second language.

Lots of our listeners tell us they freeze, because they're worried about making mistakes.

Completely understandable. So let's make it easier, step by step.

Right. First, you need to break the ice.

To break the ice means to say the first thing, so an awkward silence ends.

In a lift, for example. Which I completely failed to do.

Ha! So what should you say next time?

Something simple about the place you share. 'This lift's really slow, isn't it?'

Exactly. The situation you share is the easiest way to break the ice.

The weather, the coffee machine, the traffic this morning.

And of course, the British love the weather. 'Lovely day, isn't it?'

Even when it's raining.

Especially when it's raining.

Okay, step two. Questions for someone new.

If a colleague has just joined, you can ask, 'How are you settling in?'

Oh, I like that one. Settling in means getting comfortable in a new place.

It shows you care, but it isn't too personal.

And if you're the new person, you'll hear it a lot.

So have an answer ready. 'Pretty well, thanks. Everyone's been really friendly.'

Nice. And then ask something back.

'How long have you been here?' That one works every time.

Now, the most common question in British offices is probably, 'How's your week been?'

Yes, especially on a Thursday or a Friday.

And here's a common mistake. People answer, 'Fine,' and then they stop.

And the conversation dies right there. Very sad.

So the trick is to keep the conversation going.

To keep the conversation going, add one small detail, then ask a question back.

For example. 'How's your week been?' 'Busy, I've had three deadlines. How about yours?'

Perfect. One detail, one question. That's all you need.

I do disagree with one piece of advice people give, though.

Oh? Which one?

People say, 'Always ask lots of questions.' But too many questions feels like a job interview.

Hmm, that's fair. Nobody wants to be interviewed at the coffee machine.

So share something about yourself too. A weekend plan, a funny story.

I agree. But if you're nervous, I think questions are a safer start.

Fine. Questions first, stories later. Deal.

Now, how do you go from small talk to a real friendship?

You invite them. 'Fancy a coffee later?'

Fancy is very British here. It means 'would you like'.

Fancy a coffee? Fancy lunch on Friday? You'll hear it all the time in the UK.

An American would probably say, 'Do you want to grab a coffee?'

Same idea. And over a coffee, you really get to know people.

And if you haven't spoken to someone for a while, you can say, 'We should catch up.'

To catch up means to talk about everything that's happened since you last met.

And here's a really useful one. 'I've been meaning to ask you…'

Oh, I love that one.

'I've been meaning to' means you wanted to do something for a while, but you didn't.

'I've been meaning to ask you about the new project.' It sounds natural and friendly.

It also hides the fact that you only just thought of it.

Ha! Your secret's safe with us, Tom.

Okay, quick recap.

To break the ice, talk about the situation you share. The lift, the weather, the coffee.

With a new colleague, ask, 'How are you settling in?'

To keep the conversation going, add one detail, then ask a question back.

And to get closer, try 'Fancy a coffee?' or 'We should catch up soon.'

And don't forget, 'I've been meaning to ask you.' It's a lovely way to start.

So here's your challenge for this week. Try one of these phrases with a colleague.

Which one will you try first? Think about it for a second.

Or just break the ice in a lift. Don't do what Tom did.

Thanks, Lucy. The transcript and vocabulary are on our website.

See you next time on Everyday English Talk.

Bye for now!